Birth-day, Birth-day; How do you celebrate the birth of someone who is no longer here? Birthdays represent another year of growth and development. Accomplishing the rigorous task of simply staying alive and growing older and wiser. There are milestone birthdays we look forward to and then comes the ones we don’t look so forward to. Once you get through your teens and twenties life moves into hyper drive where months seems like weeks, years seem like months and decades seem like years.
But what do you do when there’s no one here to celebrate? When the little life you want to celebrate was cut short by cancer? You can celebrate memories but that is so hard when you should be celebrating hope for another year. Quite honestly “Heaven Days” are for celebrating memories and the impact of a life.
So instead I will find a quiet place and close my eyes. I will ask God for just a moment of his time to let me see through my soul instead of my mind. I believe that our souls are our homing devices. They were created by God in Heaven, sent into our bodies at first breath and return to Heaven upon our last. They know true north and they keep us globally positioned no matter the turmoil and pain our physical bodies endure. They are the communication devices that keeps us connected to our heavenly father with inbound and outbound messages.
Once there in the greatness of Heaven I will search for my little girl. I find her on the outskirts of what looks like a small Swiss Village high in the Alps. She is in a beautiful pink flower filled countryside playing with hundreds of other children. Their giggles are infectious and I not only hear them but I feel them. They tumble, they fly, and they hide and seek. My heart is overjoyed in this moment. I want to run to her so badly but something inside of me says “No, leave her be”. God pulls up along side me and I sense his warmth. He tells me that there is no time here and therefore she does not know she has been separated from her Mommy and Daddy. I just hover there, 30 feet off the ground invisible to them. The purity of this moment is like nothing of this world. Their torsos glow gold indicating souls so full of love and joy. Their wings are shaped like butterflies but filled with millions of majestic white down feathers. They are limited by nothing. They defy gravity, bounce like rubber balls, twirl like helicopter propellers and love each other with a reckless abandon not afraid of ever having their hearts hurt.
I snap back into myself, I collect my thoughts and quickly realize. She does not need a birthday in Heaven. She is so full, so free and so loved. When we arrive it will still be today.
Claire, we will never forget your first and last breath. But more important we will never forget the incredible joy you brought to our lives in between those two breaths. You blessed us in ways that will take the rest of our lives to unravel and fully understand. We are so thankful to be your Mommy and Daddy and we look forward to seeing you on that countryside in the blink of an eye.
In His Holy Hands,
Emily, Sydney & Kevin