It was a Sunday afternoon 2009 a muggy cloudless August day. Church bells from the Baptist Church across the street rang loud in our window as we welcomed you. I was so excited and terrified all at the same time. I could hardly believe I was really your Daddy. You were perfect in my eyes toes, nose and eyes all accounted for correctly. Watching you and mommy bond in those early moments was like having a front row seat to Gods creation of man. You gripped her finger and she gave you nourishment. How privileged I was to share a space with the two girls I loved the most.
We got you home and life seemed to morph into hyper drive. Just when I seemed to get the hang of a process Mommy and the doctor would say it was time to move into another phase of your development. I will never ever forget the first day I came home from work and you smiled at me. I fell in love with you all over again. Then a few short months later I heard you giggle and that was the first time my heart skipped a beat with pure joy. We read books every night and your favorite at this time was “The Very Lazy Lion” it was a pop up book and you thought they were so cool. As yawns would increase I would take you from my lap to my torso, your body fit perfectly from just under my neck to the crease of my legs. I would whisper “I love you” hundreds of times until your breathing would become heavy and your passie would fall out. It was then I knew it was time to say goodnight.
I have never in my life known another person to wake up each day so happy. I guess that really shows just how excited you were about living life and maybe it was because you knew we didn’t have a lot of time.
Then came your words much sooner than we expected. We were so happy to hear Mommy and Daddy. You were a little sponge and life was suddenly shaping up to be a challenge because of how smart you were. You could name all 20 floating blocks in the bathtub. Apples, oranges, Zebra’s and Monkey’s. I could never stump you. Your old soul was surely taking shape and you had life fully by the horns.
Your diagnosis came. Your sentence was handed upward from hell but you never gave up and you never quit trying. Life was your school and the hospital was your playground. On your birthday since I can’t give you a meaningless gift I want to thank you for some of the gifts you gave to me. The first is for showing me what true love and trust looks like. Your faith in Mommy and I taught me what a real faith in God should look like. The other is for teaching me to make the absolute best out of life. You saw through the obstacles so clearly. You were given a horrible disease and yet everyday you made the absolute best of it. So on your birthday I thank you for the countless gifts you gave me. I thank you for fundamentally changing me forever and for the better. You have give my life a purpose and a direction that I never could have know or understood had it not been for you.
I wish it was easier. I wish you were here and we were planning a huge celebration for your birthday. I wish for all the things seen and unseen that our lives together here should have been. But in the end I realize that this way of thinking would be robbing you now of the beauty and majesty of your new home. Just as the first day I held you in my arms and asked God to grant me the ability to give you the best life possible I will rest confident tonight that you have it.
Forever in Love,
Mommy & Daddy